That Time I Walked Down A Mountain

20 years ago | Monte Baldo, Veneto, Italy | c.15th May 2003

2003 was my first-ever trip to Italy; a week staying around Lake Garda with friends, sampling the local cuisine and the stunning scenery. Pre-parenthood, it offered us the chance to have the sort of holiday you pack away with other aspects of your life when you have a young family, hoping one day to re-visit. And that’s how it was that I walked down Monte Baldo…

We were staying in Malcesine, on Garda’s eastern shore. There were five of us in all: Helen and me – and three friends. We spent most of the week catching ferries around the lake and finding different places to eat in each different town, every day – which is absolutely the right way to ‘do’ the Italian lakes.

On one of the days, we’d decided to take the cable car from Malcesine up the mountain (Monte Baldo), to see what the lake looks like from above. Even agreeing to do it had been something of a challenge. Not all of our party were thrilled at the prospect of a cable car ride, being not great with heights. Someone had the reasonable idea that if they faced into the mountain from inside the car, the possibility of vertigo would be less pronounced. Unfortunately, this plan was ruined by the fact that, as the car began to ascend, it slowly rotated clock-wise, ensuring everyone had a chance to take in the magnificent views!

Once at the top, we mooched about a bit and – I’m pretty sure – took a drink or two in the bar. When it was time to descend, either I or the other male in the group had the idea of the two of us walking down to meet “the girls” back in the town. The idea was, I’m sure, initially ridiculed but we were determined and before long, we left them to board the cable car down and off we went on the clearly-marked footpath.

It started off as a pleasant hike. The weather was perfect and the view was breath-taking. What was there not to like? And then the topography began to steepen and the path became more challenging. We were two lads from England in trainers and suddenly, we were being overtaken by hard-core Alpine holidaymakers with walking poles. Had we made a mistake here? More disconcertingly, a little later on, one of the next passing party of pole-wielding mountain walkers missed his footing and rolled down the mountainside for an ignominious few seconds.

Our response to the challenge was to go all ‘Lord of the Flies’ and fashion our own staffs from sticks we found in the forest through which the path was cut. As the altitude reduced and the temperature rose, it became necessary for us to wrap our T-shirts around our heads, ‘Rambo’-style. We were going to meet this challenge with a typically British resolve to simply ignore the possibility that we were ill-prepared for the task.

Almost three hours later, the path began to grow less steep and the slab of blue far below had become a thinner sliver of silver just beneath us. Looking like extras from ‘Bridge On The River Kwai’, we marched triumphantly into Malcesine and straight into the bar we’d agreed to meet up at – to howls of laughter from the other three, who’d been in there for at least two hours, by that point.

Monte Baldo is 2,218 m at its highest point. Lake Garda is 65m above sea level. It’s not unreasonable to suspect we walked down two vertical kilometres that day – equivalent to one-and-a-half Ben Nevises or two whole Snowdons. It was a long, long way down.

What I remember most were the physical consequences over the following days. A three-hour workout of muscles you only use when walking downhill had the strangest effect. For the rest of the week, I could still sprint upstairs like before but even stepping off a kerb produced a kind of wince-inducing pain that I’d rarely felt before.

For some reason, Helen found this to be hilarious…

Malcesine and Lake Garda taken from the top station of the cable car. For scale, the lake is approximately two miles across at this point.

That Time I Discovered The Drunken Duck

30 years ago | Drunken Duck Inn, Barngates, Cumbria | 9th April 1993

In our first year at University, a few of us decided to meet up in the Lake District over the Easter weekend.  We arrived at the campsite at Low Wray, on the north-western shore of Windermere and set up our tents.

With everyone having assembled by around tea-time on the Maundy Thursday, there was nothing else left to do but go to the pub.  But where was it?

Fortunately, someone had spotted a small sign pointing up the hill about a mile and.a half back down the road to the site.  That was good enough for us, so off we wandered, hoping it wouldn’t be too much further from the sign.

Not only was it almost another mile further on but the rest of the walk was a steep incline, climbing for over 300 feet.  We were all starting to work up a thirst.  Hopefully, this place would be worth the effort required to get there.

Was it ever!  We arrived at a charming pub called the Drunken Duck Inn, ordered a round of Old Peculiers and sat outside, around the bench tables across the road.  In the mild spring sunshine, we chatted and ate and drank as the evening wore on.  Through nothing but pure luck, it just became one of those magical nights when all the elements were perfect.  

Not only did we go back the next night but we were there the next year as well, each time expecting the experience couldn’t possibly measure up to that mythical first night.  Every time, we were pleasantly surprised that it did.  The place seemed to be enchanted, as if it could only be accessed from the outside world via a portal.

I’ve been back a few times since then, over the years – I even bought the T-shirt  on one visit.  It’s gone a little more gentrified in recent times but at least it’s still there, still legendary.  One day I’ll go again and when I do, I’ll sit at those bench tables across the road.

The view towards Ambleside from the bench tables at the Drunken Duck. Photo: Paul Bentham

That Time I Woke Up In A Snowstorm

15 years ago | Great Langdale Campsite, Langdale Valley, Cumbria | 22nd March 2008

From my first year at University, it became something of a tradition for us to go camping in the Lake District over the Easter Weekend.  More on that in weeks to come but in 2008, fifteen years after our first camping weekend, we decided to resurrect the old tradition….

There are two things you need to know here: 

1, we were no longer students and 

2, that year, Easter was about as early as it’s possible to be.

If I remember correctly, one reason for the Easter reunion that year was the impending nuptials of one of our number.  Most of the rest of us had already been married off and/or produced offspring.  In my own case, with a three-and-a-half year-old by then, it was a very rare opportunity for a night out.

Unlike our first-ever Easter camping weekend, we were reasonably well-prepared.  The standard of tents, sleeping bags and other equipment reflected that we’d all become better-funded than in our student days.

Just like our first-ever camping weekend, we did as little camping stuff as possible and disappeared to the nearest pub – in this case, the Hikers’ Bar at the Old Dungeon Ghyll Hotel, I think.  And there the evening unfolded as planned, and all was well.

The next morning, I awoke to one of the worst hangovers I can remember.  It was made many times worse by the fact that when I opened the tent for some fresh air, I discovered it was actually snowing.

The best thing to do was get out of the tent, sit in the car, with the engine and heating on and nurse the half-bottle of Fanta that I had until such point that I was able to function again.

What felt like weeks later, I became marginally less sickly and 100% more legal to drive.  There was nothing else to do but say “we must do this again”* and limp home to groan on the coach and elicit very little sympathy.  Good times!

* We’ve never done this again.

Happier times. The campsite before the night out and the snowfall. Photo: Paul Bentham

That Time I Became An Uncle

15 years ago | The Metropole Hotel, NEC, Birmingham | 17th February 2008

Fifteen years ago this week, I found myself at an awards ceremony in Birmingham – as one does – and couldn’t wait to get away and drive home.  I’d just heard that I’d officially become an uncle for the first time…

Max Bentham was born in Wigan Infirmary on 17th February 2008.  By then we already had our own three year-old so the novelty was not of there being another generation but the realisation that I wouldn’t just be a parent but would also get to inherit all the (often cooler) privileges of being slightly removed from parental responsibility.  I was fortunate enough to have the same realisation when Max’s sister, Abi, was born the following year.

I should also give a mention to the ‘unofficial uncle’ status I hold amongst the children of close friends – and to all those ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ who also enjoy that status.  Peter Kay once said “He’s not my real uncle – my dad borrowed a belt sander off him once” but this (is it predominantly a Northern thing?) practice of imbuing semi-familial status is a special honour that’s far more profound than merely a work-around to stop kids calling adults by their first names.

It’s been fantastic to watch Max grow and develop over the last fifteen years and it’ll be wonderful to see what mark he (and Abi) will make on the world.  In particular, it’s been lovely to help him develop his love of cinema, especially science fiction.  Countless Film Night’ appointments in recent years (usually featuring my own version of ‘KFC’) have seen us watch – and discuss – a wide range of films and themes.  He’s always amazed me with his perceptiveness and the maturity of his observations.

Eagle-eyed observers may have noticed that this week’s Weekly Pic is taken neither at Wigan Infirmary nor The Metropole Hotel.  Similarly, it seems not to include any day-old infants.  I have a picture of Max, aged a few hours old but, hey, he’s about to turn fifteen – do you think he wants that kind of thing plastered on the internet?  I’m not going to do that to him – that’s what parents are for!  

Instead, here’s a picture of the two of us last year at Villa del Balbionello on Lake Como, at exactly the spot where Anakin Skywalker married Padmé Amidala in ’Star Wars Ep. II: Attack of the Clones’.  If enabling his inner Star Wars nerd is the only way I’ve ever influenced him, I’d say that was an uncle’s job well done!